Kali (Kaa-lee), also known as Kali Ma and the Black Mother, is the powerful Hindu goddess who presides over darkness, death, and regeneration. She is the foremost of the tantric Wisdom goddesses known as the Mahavidyas. Some fear her because she is so fearsome looking, but Hindus love and adore her as their Great Mother Goddess; she manifests power that is fierce, potent, healing, and loving. She is shakti (female energy) incarnate and the manifestation of primordial power. As the darker consort of Lord Shiva (who is also paired with the milder Parvati), she is often pictured dancing wildly with his form beneath her feet. She brings life, death, regeneration and rebirth…”
From The Goddess Pages: A Divine Guide to Finding Love and Happiness by Laurie Sue Brockway
A common misconception about self love and journeys toward deep inner healing is that you can skip over your darkness.
Or check it off with a handy dandy checklist with a life coaching program that promises Deep Inner Healing in Six Weeks!
Darkness, that point of seeing our shame, our habits that keep us stuck, the people who have hurt and keep hurting us, is not an easy process.
It is not pretty. It does not follow “logical” or linear patterns.
It is not something that will look good on your Instagram feed or Timeline.
But exploring our darkness is absolutely necessary to grow into the Women we want to be.
I’ve been reminded of this lesson very deeply these past couple of weeks. Eclipse season has heralded in many endings and changes within my vocational, relationship and inner life. I’ve had to confront how my daily habits are not bringing me closer to the woman and writer I wish to be. I have to see the ways in which my insecurities and need of external validation keeps me trapped and stifled and unable to connect fully with the good people in my life. I have to face that the way I eat and rest and schedule my time are still mired in my addiction to being in an incessant hurry.
And there have been many times I’ve wanted to ignore the hard shit that these changes have brought up. “Sometimes I just don’t wanna feel those metal clouds…”
But, Kali does not run away from darkness. She does not villify it like our current Western world which has assigned words like “black” and “dark” to all things bad.
She dances with it. She befriends it. She is It.
Darkness and those times of inner and outer struggle are not evidence that we are being punished or that we are wrong.
We need these times and spaces of darkness and confusion and truly seeing ALL aspects of ourselves as much as we need the Light.
I have decided to let my “negative” thoughts shout their protestations and their blame. I am journaling a lot more. I sit and do nothing sometimes. I fully face the ways I have deluded myself and reinforce the self-negating aspects of my past. I am doing my best to listen to people. To put my phone down, to slow down and wait.
What is the darkness you are running from dear one? How can you slow down and face it? How can you enlist support so that you are not alone in this endeavor?
12 Step Groups. Journaling. Community yoga classes. Meditating. Naps. Taking a walk. Starting or going back to therapy. Dancing to a curated playlist that takes your feelings into account. Making a list of all the people who’ve hurt you and what they did and speaking it aloud and then burning it (repeat until you don’t want to anymore).
The biggest recommendation I have is to stop dancing. Take inspiration from the great goddess Kali and face who you are in this moment. It may not be easy.
But you are worth the time.